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Blogging for Dummies

Blogging for dummies is much different from the blogging that is generally considered a very sophisticated activity.  I mean,  real blogging requires little-to-no initial capital investment, and the same goes for expertise.  As a matter of fact, all you really need to blog is eyes, and a couple of fingers, and a crafty blogger will even make due without those.  Given these high barriers of entry, most of the information available is just too far above the average dummy’s head.  That being the case, here’s some dumbed down tips so that you too can be a blogger.

First of all, acquire the book by the same name as this post.  You know anything labeled “for dummies” has to be a vast resource of information.  Blogging for Dummies?  Why not?  Hot Air Ballooning for Dummies?  Don’t mind if I do!  Transformer Collecting for Dummies?  Well… we don’t joke about collecting Transformers around these parts.  That’s the sort of thing best left to the experts.

Anyway, back to blogs for dummies.  So you’ve got your book, but you’ve only just begun your education.  You need to spend the next year or so of your life and countless thousands of dollars and hours buying and reading everything written in the “blogging about blogging” realm.  Rather than taking any actual action, you just read and read and buy and read until you feel you’ve received enough useful information to start a blog.

At this point you’ll be suffering from what’s called “information overload.”  Lucky for you, there are many bloggers out there who are willing to simplify things for you specifically as your personal mentor, for the right price of course.  They will mentor you on how to start a blog while charging you the perfectly reasonable price of $150 an hour, because you know what, they’re worth it.  They value their precious time, and damn it, you should too.  During your consultation session, you’ll be guided through such useful topics as “how to set up a free blog on platforms that are completely self explanatory” and they might give you suggestions for blog topics you should write about that they think would be really cool to read no someone else’s blog, but which will never bring any traffic or interest to your blog.  If you’re really lucky, they might even offer to click 1 button for you in cPanel in order to get that blog installed, but that’ll cost extra.  Let’s face it though, if you can’t be bothered to learn how to install a WordPress blog on your own, you probably deserve to be completely fleeced by some supposed guru.

If you’re looking to make money blogging, don’t worry, this is actually quite easy.  You see, once you’ve been blogging for long enough, you can turn around and start your own blog about blogging, build an audience, and then sell them all sorts of products on the topic of blogging, and how to make money with your blog.  See how that works?  Pretty ingenious right?  That’s why I’m here –  some day I’ll ask you to sign up for my email newsletter so I can keep feeding you leads and affiliate products, followed by my very own $47 eBook on how to blog so that I can get paid to blog.

I know what you’re thinking “Wow, Ulysses, you seem to know quite about about how to blog for dummies.  It sounds like you’ve been burned before.”  Of course I have.  You don’t make it very long in this business without trying a product or two.  I learn faster than most though, and mostly I’ve been sitting on the sidelines watching this perpetual wave of newcomers just buying product after product, while those who catch on turn around and add to the pile of flogging B.S.  Why don’t I turn around and do the same?  Laziness, I guess.  I can’t be bothered to write an eBook or build a product, let alone sell it to a bunch of unsuspecting noobs.  It’s much easier to figure out what type of questions people are asking the search engines, and then answer those questions better, and more thoroughly than anyone else.  I can write a post, forget about it, and it will start making me money in 6 months to a year and then continue to do so indefinitely.  Easy money.  I don’t have to worry about customers, returns, complaints, affiliate programs (from the production side), or any of that.  Just publish, rinse, repeat.

So, I guess despite all of my sarcasm, my route is really blogging for dummies.  It’s based on brute force, and quantity (and sometimes quality).  Let all those high-brow marketers deal with whiney customers, glad-handing other marketing douches, and hanging out at blogging and marketing conferences.  I’m way too stupid for such things.  I’ll just stick it out here in the trenches with the rest of the blogging dummies.

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